What’s working – Casey

I really like the first paragraph, it gives an interesting hook to make you want to read more. You also do a great job making sure the subject gets to speak early on (quote in third paragraph), and allow the subject to have the last word with a super powerful quote about watching players grow up. I also think the overall structure/layout is good (no indentation, not introducing quotes, not using the I voice). You do a great job capturing a story and making it more than just a sports profile- we get to learn the vulnerable side of your subject and that is what drives the story. Lastly, I like the way the story moves along and somewhat falls chronologically, it makes it easy to follow.

Suggestions – Casey

The suggestions I can think of are mostly minor. I think you might want to add a bit more meat to some of your paragraphs that are just one or two sentences (I assume you were going to since this is only a draft), but some are just a bit too short and could just use some more information. Additionally, I noticed a very minor spelling error inside a quote, you said “every wants to win” and I think you might have meant to say “everyone wants to win”, super minor but definitely makes a difference because the quote is super powerful. Lastly, although I love how much you let your subject speak and how many quotes you got, if it isn’t a question and response section I would avoid putting a quote after every paragraph if that makes sense. 

What’s working – Zak

You do a really good job telling a story rather than just writing out an interview. I like how you made sure the subject got to speak very early on (third paragraph) and you include a good amount of quotes. I also like how the quotes are meaningful and have substance, it keeps the story interesting and really helps me get to know your subject. Additionally you do a good job keeping with reporting writing format (single spaces, no indentation, more). Lastly, I really enjoyed how conversational the writing is, it makes it feel like the reader is having the conversation. 

Suggestions – Zak

I could only think of a couple minor suggestions: I think you do a really great job using the quotes you have included but several are embedded within paragraphs instead of standing alone– you might know more than me or this might be something to ask Jesse about, but I just wasn’t sure if it was structurally okay to embed quotes into paragraphs or if they absolutely have to be standing alone (im not sure!). Lastly, you might want to consider adding a quote or moving a quote to the end of your writing to let your subject have the last word.

Peer Review Reflection:

Peer review was extremely helpful for this project. Not only does it allow for me to get feedback on my work, it also forces me to critique others’ work, which in turn helps me find flaws in my own writing. The process of making sure a peer’s writing has all pieces of the prompt definitely helped me make sure my writing had all the different parts as well. I received some really good feedback from Casey and Zak, they both offered constructive criticism that very much helped me turn my draft into a final piece. Some of the feedback they gave me had to do with adding more detail to some of the paragraphs, and getting an additional quote from someone in my subject’s circle. They complimented me on the structure of my story, how I handled the fragile/emotional parts of her story, along with how the themes of resilience come through. Zak and Casey also had mostly solid profiles but some of the feedback I offered included fleshing out some of their shorter paragraphs, ending with a quote, and fixing some minor grammatical errors. Overall, it was a helpful process that definitely added to the final draft.